I Am Sailor Taurus
by ShadowSandrock
Summary: Luna insists that the new transformation stick is a symbol of the birth of a new Sailor Crystal. Usagi, however, takes searching for Sailor Taurus in her own hands...


**Disclaimer**: If I owned Sailor Moon, I'd be hiring fanfic writers to create stories at the smallest of whims.

This story is about the birth of brand new Sailor Soldier! Protector of Taurus the sign of the Bull, Sailor Taurus has been summoned to awaken by a premonition in an ice cream box.

A/N: In the battle scene, I know Mimet just appeared out of nowhere and without any buildup. That's to mock the organization of Monster-of-the-Day S season episodes.

**I Am Sailor Taurus**

**Tsukino Residence: 3:45 a.m.**

Usagi woke up in the middle of the night, completely startled. She sat up, gasping, gripping her sheets. What a horrifying dream... Shingo and Chibi-Usa had eaten all of the chocolate section from the Metropolitan box of ice cream, and Ikuko wouldn't buy another box! What a nightmare! "Luna!" she yelled, lunging for the curled-up kitty on the foot of her bed. Luna screeched as Usagi gripped her. "I had a scary dream.. a premonition, perhaps..."

"What is it!" yelled Luna. "Is it the Enemy? Is Silence approaching? Is Minako pregnant with Artemis's baby?"

"Worse, worse!" yelled Usagi. "Come on, Luna, we have to go to the freezer!"

"The what?"

Usagi cupped Luna in her arm as she ran out of her bedroom and into the kitchen. She flicked on the light and saw the wall clock. 3:46 a.m. "It's the worst thing possible!" she yelled as she opened the freezer and pulled out the box of ice cream.

"This better be important..." groaned Luna as she leaped onto the counter for a better look. Usagi opened the box. All the chocolate ice cream was gone!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" screamed Usagi as she showed Luna the box. There was a large hole where the chocolate ice cream once was, and all the other flavors were still intact. Luna thought she saw something glistening in the box, though.

"Let me see this..." said Luna as she gripped the box with her teeth and flung it to the ground. Usagi had already collapsed on the ground sobbing into her sleeve. Luna rolled her eyes and investigated the box. Indeed, something was shining amid the vanilla ice cream brick. "Usagi, come here."

"It's the end of my life..." groaned Usagi as she rolled over and sat up. "It's over..."

"Grow up!" yelled Luna as she clawed Usagi's face. Usagi rolled around crying for about 20 minutes, then she suddenly sat up and said, "What's up, Luna?"

Luna was already falling asleep, but she slowly got up and pointed her paw at the shimmer in the box. "What is that?"

"IT'S THE ENEMY!" yelled Usagi. "MOON COSMIC POWER... da da da DA! MAKE--"

"NO!" screeched the cat as she stole the henshin brooch from Usagi. "Just take out the shimmering thing from the ice cream!"

"Fine, fine..." said Usagi as she reached in and plucked out the shining object. It turned out to be a long, pen-shaped object... a henshin rod!

Luna was shocked. "It's the sign of... a new Sailor Soldier..."

"How did this get in here? I thought they gave these things away in cereal boxes."

"No, that's authentic!" Luna looked at the glyph on the pen. "Taurus!"

"What about a bullfight?" asked Usagi.

Luna grunted. "No, no..." The area became starry and the constellation of Taurus appeared behind Luna. "Taurus is the zodiac sign of the Bull. Protected by Venus, it stands for determination and nature's growth."

"So it's the sign of the cow? Like Newport Creamery?"

"Indeed." said Luna matter-of-factly. "This is indeed a wonderous event... I will check all resources for signs of a new Star Seed... a star is born tonight! The birth of a new Sailor Soldier! Protected by Taurus and Venus!"

"Shut up and go to bed..." groaned Usagi as she wobbled back into her room, gripping the henshin rod. She plopped onto her bed and fell asleep.

Luna signed. "I guess it's time for bed... we'll deal with this in the morning. Or the afternoon, knowing her."

**Tsukino Residence: 4:46 a.m.**

Usagi jumped out of bed. "LUNA LUNA LUNA LUNA LUUUUUNA!" she screamed, grabbing the sleeping cat by the paw and tossing her around like a rag doll. "I HAD A DREAM ABOUT THE NEW SAILOR SOLDIER!"

"MeowmewomeowemowemowmeoewoeMEEEOWOWWWWWWWWWW!" screeched Luna as she frantically clawed at Usagi's arm. "Let go of me, you idiot!"

"COME ON LUNA!" yelled Usagi as she pulled out her communicator. "ATTENTION ALL SAILOR SOLDIERS! MEET ME AT THE CORNER OF 9TH STREET AND 12TH STREET IN TEN MINUTES! A NEW SAILOR SOLDIER WILL APPEAR!"

"Screw you," groaned Mina audibly right before Usagi shut the communicator.

Usagi pulled out her henshin brooch. "Moon Cosmic Power Make Up!" It took her about a minute, but she transformed into Sailor Moon. "Come on Luna!"

Luna sighed and began to wobble after Sailor Moon, who was jubilantly leaping from building to building.

**Rural Juuban: 4:59 a.m.**

"What is this?" asked Pluto groggily as she stared at Sailor Moon. Hairs stuck out of her head at odd ends.

"ITS THE BIRTH OF A NEW SAILOR SOLDIER!" exclaimed Sailor Moon ecstatically as she showed all the Soldiers the henshin rod of Taurus.

Everyone said "oooooo" at the sight. "Can I see it?" asked Mercury. "I could probably analyze it."

Sailor Moon shook her head. "I already know who the new Sailor Soldier is. She's right behind us!"

"Where?" asked Mars. "All I see is.. a farm."

Sailor Moon began to pet a particularly plump, lactating cow right next to her. "This my friends is a new Sailor Soldier, who will fight valiantly alongside us!"

"Don't make me chop it down to sirloin tips," grumbled Saturn. "I'm going back to bed."

Sailor Moon yelled. "HEY YOU SATURN! THIS IS OUR NEW ALLY! SHE WILL FIGHT FOR LOVE AND JUSTICE! Right, Bessie?" The cow took a bite of the dewey grass. "See? Bessie is thrilled to be awakened! This Sailor Soldier is from the pure line of Venus. She's probably your prince, Venus!"

Venus and Jupiter were sleeping under an oak tree. Uranus and Neptune were cuddled next to each other on the opposite side of the tree. Tuxedo Mask was hanging upside down from a branch like a bat, sleeping merrily. Chibi-Moon was still at home.

"So, Moon," said Mars in an aggravated tone. "Where's the Sailor Soldier, again?"

Sailor Moon was very frustrated. "THIS IS A SAILOR SOLDIER!" She pat the cow again. "Sailor Taurus, awaken with this henshin rod! The milk from this cow has produced the box of ice cream that had the henshin rod in it!" She handed the cow the rod.

Bessie stared at the henshin rod, then ate it.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" yelled Sailor Moon. "Please, Bessie! Repeat after me! Taurus Star Power, Make Up!"

Bessie looked at Sailor Moon. "Moooooo..." Bessie took another bite of grass.

Mars, Mercury, Pluto and Saturn walked away grumpily, muttering unkind words about Sailor Moon. "WAIT! THIS IS A SAILOR SOLDIER! A SOLDIER OF THE MOON KINGDOM! COME BAAAAAACKK..."

"Get over yourself!" yelled Mars, a vein pulsing in her forehead.

Suddenly, conveniently, a farmer dude appeared who was Usagi's best friend yesterday, said something really polite and touching that only someone with a pure heart would say, and all of a sudden, the Enemy appeared (in Sailor Moon S fashion, whenever Sailor Moon meets someone new, an Enemy just _has_ to appear)!

"Appear, Daimohn!" yelled Mimet. A random daimohn emerged from a nearby sheep. "This daimohn will get your heart crystals! ALL OF THEM! GO U-CARDI!"

The sheep became a human-shaped female with barely anything on as usual. What little she had to hide was covered with wool, and a random mattress seemed stretched around her waist. "Baa baa baa baa baa! U-Cardi!"

Sailor Moon pulled out her communicator. "Minna, the Enemy has appeared!"

"Shut up." said Mercury, and the Sailor Soldiers disappeared over the horizon.

"Somebody! Luna? Artemis? Diana? Chibi-Moon?"

"I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!" yelled Chibi-Usa into the communicator.

Sailor Moon looked around. U-Cardi had blasted wool at Tuxedo Mask, who went flying into next county. She was taking aim on Jupiter and Venus. "JUPITER! VENUS! NO! DON'T DIE!" U-Cardi, however, didn't seem to hear Sailor Moon, and quickly stole the pure heart crystals from Jupiter and Venus.

Uranus and Neptune stood up suddenly. "The winds are angry..."

"The seas are angry..." added Neptune. "The seas are stormy."

"The winds are roaring."

"The seas are also roaring."

"The winds are blowing."

"The seas are rushing towards me. A premonition... an enemy..." They were too busy looking at each other to realize U-Cardi was right next to her. Neptune began to gaze into her stupid mirror. "I see... I see... I need to change the channel. A commercial for Cardi's furniture."

"The fluff is angry."

"The fabric's also angry."

Sailor Moon could only watch as Uranus and Neptune were blasted into smithereens, and their pure hearts were taken by U-Cardi. "NOOOOOOOO!" yelled Sailor Moon, who was being useless as usual. "URANUS! NEPTUNE! NO! NEPTUNE! NEPTUNE! URANUS! NO! DON'T DIE!"

"Too late, sherlock!" yelled U-Cardi. "U-Cardi!"

Suddenly, the mad cow charged U-Cardi! Bessie charged U-Cardi into a tree, impaling her. "Moo!" she yelled. The Pure Hearts rematerialized into the Sailor Soldiers. "Moo! Moo!"

"Now! Sailor Moon!" said every Sailor Soldier possible.

"Hai!" Sailor Moon produced the Grail from God-knows-where. "Crisis Make Up!" Sailor Moon somehow ended up inside the cup and emerged with lots of white feathers all over her body. She spun around a couple of times to confirm to us that we know she's naked, then Super Sailor Moon stood royally before everybody. She produced the Cutie Moon Rod and began to spin around and around and around with it.

"This is entertaining..." said Tuxedo Mask as he flew back and perched on his tree.

Sailor Moon finally stopped rotating and posed with the dumb stick. "Mooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon..." She spun around again, making loop dee loops around the world. "Spiiiiiiiiiiiraallllllllllll heeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaarrrttttt Aattttack!" Nothing happened. "Oh shoot, I used the wrong technique! Raaainbowwwww moooon heeaaaaarttt aaccchhhheee!" Lots of rainbows, hearts and other pretty things shot out of the Cutie Moon Rod of Wrath, destroying U-Cardi. "LOVELY AND BEAUTIFUL!" yelled U-Cardi. A Cardi's Furniture mattress appeared where the daimohn once stood. Mimet booked it of course.

"Thank you Bessie!" exclaimed Sailor Moon as she hugged her newfound friend. "You are a hero, Sailor Taurus! DID YOU HEAR ME WORLD! THIS COW IS A SAILOR SOLDIER!"

"She's not the only cow that's a Sailor Soldier," whispered Uranus, and the four dazed Sailor Soldiers laughed.

**The end!  
**  
Coming soon: **I Am Sailor Ant Farm**


End file.
